Lost Girls and Love Hotels by Catherine Hanrahan

Author:Catherine Hanrahan
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2006-06-11T16:00:00+00:00

After the pills are taken, the booze is downed, Ines and Madoka disappear to the dance floor. I opt to sulk and observe the prickly sensations under my skin. In order to dance without feeling unbearably self-conscious, I have to be under the influence of a substance that either obliterates my ego or expands it to gargantuan proportions. Right now I’m just me. But pricklier.

After half a song of Madoka’s pogo-stick dance moves and Ines’s hardly-moving and staring seductively at Madoka, Bar Let’s Go is a volcano of masturbatory impulses. A few brave souls venture onto the dance floor. Then a few more. A cheerfully violent pop anthem begins, and in seconds the black-and-white tiled floor is no longer visible. Horny boys with three beers in them shout along to the music, fists in the air. I’m ashamed to be human for a moment or two, until, as if on cue, the drug kicks in and I feel like giving everyone a big hug.

Madoka returns to the table red-cheeked and panting, Ines following behind her, a slight spring to her step that tells me she’s high.

“Our work is done here,” Ines says, saucer-eyed. She drags on a cigarette and points her chin to the door.

I make a stop at the ladies’ room. Lean down and slurp water from the tap while I wait for a stall. On the toilet, I have a moment of bravery. Close my eyes and let the sound of Mom’s voice roll over me with the drug.

Happened at some sports bar on The Danforth. He’d stopped taking his drugs and—well you know how he is. Mags, he’s asking for you. Sometimes he seems almost normal. Maybe those rednecks knocked something back into place. He keeps asking for you, Mags.

Save. Save. Save.

I can feel the gentle tug of the night as it starts to unspool. Serotonin floods my brain. Under my life’s bedrock of crap and trauma, I can sense the gurgle and trickle of water. I’m so thirsty.

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